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Lasraik

Funny Stuff

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1 hour ago, Elovia said:

Are we talking about flatulence that is easily confused as a minor earthquake, or the silent but nose hair curling kind?

Inquiring minds want to know ...

I'm guessing it was a crop dusting scenario.  So silent and hair curling kind but he got caught.  Of course this is all speculation 

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I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a rider less horse pulls up on the right.
The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the door on the other side and jumps onto the other horse.
Just before he rides off, I yell out, "What was all that about?"
"Nothing!" he replies. "It's just a stage I'm going through."

 

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If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Take my advice — I'm not using it.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.

Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.

If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?

Money is the root of all wealth.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery

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A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking."

Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

 

 

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You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

 

Spoiler

Get off the merry-go-round!

 

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On 09/09/2016 at 2:58 AM, Dunnar said:

IMG_20160908_215615.jpg

Perhaps wi-fi isn't trusted as being secure in the future?  If R2 can pretty much take over anything he jacks into, imagine what he could do with wifi...

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On 11/17/2016 at 1:11 AM, Wolphard said:

CxcvJ09WgAAWsYf.jpg

lol I almost spit out my drink when I saw this

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